Apr 10, 2013

Stupid Questions and Snappy Answers

This is great list of answers, which can be used in those awkward situations when you don't have a clue how to respond to stupid questions.

Why are you so quiet?
  • I'm listening to the voices in my head.
  • Somebody has to be.
  • I'm studying to be a mime.
  • Why?
  • I can't. Tragic Botox incident. 
  • I will when you go away.
Why are you always so serious?
  • I'm only serious on the outside. I'm partying on the inside. 
  • Always? Have you been stalking me?
  • Because the universe is expanding, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything! 
Are you mad?
  • No, just eccentric.
  • Why, what have you done?
  • Not yet.
Do you hate people?
  • Not all people.
  • Only people who ask me that question.
  • No, they're delicious with a nice Chianti. 

Are you a snob?
  • No, I'm a slob. That must have been a typo.
  • Of course not. I'm here, aren't I?
  • No, I pride myself on my low standards.
You look bored.
  • Don't be so hard on yourself.
  • This is my rapt face.
  • Only when you talk.
You don't know how to have fun.
  • Sure I do. Tell me when it starts.
  • I didn't know "fun" was a synonym for "loud."
  • You're right, I'm outta here.

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